This morning Lili punted on parenting.
What I mean is she slept in, got a shower, got dressed, eat her breakfast, made her lunch, and left for work. I handled the kids, made breakfast, cleaned up (she did wash the bulk of the dishes thank you mi amor), and waited for the nanny. That’s how it goes sometimes. And I’ve got no problem with it, because there are definitely days (and certainly a lot of nights when I work late) that’s the case for her.
In the past I would have been really bothered by this morning though. I would have fought with her or accused her of being lazy. I’ll admit it I’ve got a bad habit of “keeping score”. Ok, I did 9 things today, you only did 6, so I win and I’m better than you. And I would let Lili know about it, too.
Needless to say that led to more than a few fights. Worse it made Lili really feel inferior and that was shitty of me.
Now, I realize it all kind of balances out. Some days she punts on things, other days I do. Everything still gets done, so in the end it all ends up being 50/50 give or take a rounding error. This is especially true over the long haul of years and years. It all balances out. At least it should. If you’re in a relationship where it doesn’t, well then you’re in for a bumpy ride. But, get to the place where you’re each taking turns bearing the load and it all works out to about even in the end.
So don’t keep score. It’s ok if one of you punts on parenting every now and then. I’d argue it’s even good so you don’t lose your mind. Also don’t act like you’re the “man” if you made breakfast and took care of your kids. As Chris Rock says, “you’re supposed to.”